Thoughts on parenting

Wow...it has been a day.  It is funny how one situation from a day can completely change your attitude and your view from that day.  One situation that occurs can either make your day or ruin it.  I am not going to allow this to ruin my day (although my day is almost over and it has consumed me a lot today).  I have been praying about it, thinking about it and talking about it and now I am going to end with blogging.  This blogging thing can be really helpful.
I don't claim, nor have I ever claimed, to know it all or pat myself on the back and give myself the "Mom of the year award."  I definitely don't know it all and I feel as though I am really good about admitting when I do something wrong.  I am fairly "new" at this whole mothering/parenting thing,  in the grand scheme of things, when you think about how long you are a parent for.  I rely heavily on my husband for guidance, as well as others who have gone before me in this parenting stage of life whom I look up to and want to follow in their examples.  And, I am just going to say it HURTS hard core...to the heart...when someone questions your parenting and basically says they would do it differently.  No one parents the same...every child is different. I am even sure when you have multiple children you probably parent them somewhat differently when dealing with the different personalities in your children.  Josh and I parent the best we know how for us and for what works with Josiah and the way we parent comes strictly from what we feel the LORD has called of us.  Proverbs 22:6 says "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it."  That is what we strive to do daily with Josiah and any other children we are blessed with.  We live in a fallen world...one filled with SIN...I sin, you sin and guess what? our sweet little boy who is in his bed sleeping soundly right now sins.  It is just the way it is unfortunately.  No one is perfect and nothing I do is perfect, but I try....I wake up every day asking the Lord to guide and direct me in one of my most important jobs in this stage of my life and that is being a mother!!!  I may try, but I fail....it is just a known fact because I am sinner saved by the grace of the Lord.  I am called, as a mother, to "love my husband and my children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good and obedient (Titus 2:4-5).  In loving my child, I discipline him when I feel the need to.  By disciplining him I am showing him that I love him.  I am doing what the Lord commands.  And disciplining for each thing that is done "wrongly" can be different.  Whether I feel like he needs a spanking, needs to have some time to think about what he has done or just a good heart-to-heart...that is discipline.  The Lord calls us to train our children (some people don't like saying they "train" their children because it sounds like dog training or something but I honestly like the term), .  We ARE training them.  They come out not knowing how to do anything...however, they are born into a sinful world!!!  The Lord also calls us to show them GRACE...The best way we can display the character of God is to show our children (and others) grace and forgiveness...even when you may think they have done the unforgivable.  If I hadn't been shown grace throughout my life I would be one very lost woman and so I want to be able to show Josiah grace!!!!  Every child has their "thing" that no matter how many times you have 'trained' them not to do it, it just seems to return time and time again.  I am 31 years old, and I still do some things time and time again that I shouldn't do.  How can you expect anything else from a child when they are learning and growing and try to figure this life thing out?
I pray that we are doing this right.  I pray everyday for the Lord's direction...for his strength and guidance.  I know this isn't true at all and only Satan putting this in my mind, but sometimes I think to myself that maybe we haven't had any more children yet because I am doing something wrong with the one that God has blessed us with.  Again, I KNOW THAT IS ONLY THE DEVIL putting thoughts in my head that are not true at all.  I am actually proud of the way we parent...we can always do better, but I am happy with where we are and what we have done so far and pray that we only get better from here.
Not everyone is going to agree with me or even like me, Josh or Josiah for that matter.  The only person we have to answer to is the Lord.  I feel better already being able to write about this.  I still have a headache, but impressed with myself to have the self control to stick to my commitment and not eat dessert after dinner this week....I just think I picked a bad week to start that.  LOL

Mom-To-Mom

Well, I will start this post first telling you that all of my tests to this point have come back completely normal.  So glad that there is nothing urgent wrong and we are free to start trying again.  We are praying that we will have good news around the corner.  I am a pretty optimistic person and I know that the Lord's plan is perfect for us and I have faith in Him that we will be blessed with another child (children) at some point...even if Josiah is 10 - ha ha!!!  

So, here is the reason for my blog today - wow...I just realized TWO BLOGS IN ONE WEEK...amazing!  I have been apart of a new small group at our church called Mom-to-Mom and we meet once a week.  This group has been such a blessing to me.  There are moms who have been mothers year, some have grandchildren of their own all the way to moms who are new at it!  It is such a great group of women and I have really enjoyed getting to know everyone and do our study each week.  As I reflect on the past few weeks I have learned so much already.  The study is called Mom-to-Mom Heart Talk by Linda Schultz Anderson.  As I was folding laundry today (right after Josiah went down for his nap) I was reflecting back to the first week of our study.  The book presented 6 myths of the modern mother and they are:

     *"Wonder Woman": you can do it all!

     *"Super Mom":  Since you are "not working," you can at least do it all on the home front.

     *"Guilt Gully": Whatever happens, it's your fault.

     *"Performance Pit":  What you do determines who you are.

     *"Yuppy-itis":  Your worth is measured in $$.

     *"Pendulum Problem":  You much choose either career or motherhood - for life.

Then we were asked what one do we think we relate to the most.  I am sure that each mother can relate to these myths and probably have an issue with dealing with these myths. I have ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS wanted to be a stay-at-home mother and I feel like I am living my DREAM!!  I love being at home and it would honestly break my heart into pieces if I had to go back to "work." (Please note: that I work harder at home than I ever did getting paid for a job outside of the home! - LOL).  I am beyond blessed with a husband who not only supports me in this desire, but encourages it as well.  I am blessed that he has a job that can provide enough for our family and that I don't have to work (believe me, we do sacrifice some things in order to make the paycheck last, but I am grateful for that).  I will always be thankful for Josh's hard work and knowledge to provide for our family.  Staying at home was always the way we wanted it to be!!!  The myth that I can relate with the most is "super mom."  NO ONE has ever expected anything of me...and that is what the problem is.  I expect too much of myself sometimes.  I can't tell you how many times Josh has asked me to take time for myself throughout my day, but in my mind I feel like if I don't get everything done when I want to get it done, then the world is going to come crashing down on me.  I want everything to run smoothly in our house and it does!!  I am not going to lie....sometimes I burn myself out and wear myself completely out.  So, I am learning to balance life a little better.  I am trying to remind myself each day that if something on my constant to-do list doesn't get done it isn't the end of the world.  I want to make sure my two guys (Josh and Josiah) are taken care of completely...and let's face it....if I don't take care of myself then I am doing damage to them in a way.  I will admit that I probably have a little of an OCD issue.  I LOVE to clean...and I love walking into our clean house, but I am learning that things don't have to be perfect everyday and I am also coming to the conclusion that no matter how much I clean there will always be dog hair and dust (we do have a husky and have had him for 8 years...you think I would have learned that by now).  These are expectations I have for myself and I am learning that if we want more children, life is going to be busier and I won't have time to keep up with the pace I am going.  I used to feel guilty when I didn't walk the dogs everyday, but guess what?  Not anymore...they are dogs and they have a huge back yard to play in.  I walk them as much as I can, but if a day goes by that I can't do it, I don't beat myself up about it anymore.  I really want to be in good health and shape, so I have been waking up early each morning (well, most mornings) to get my workout in before Josiah gets up...because once again...I struggle with feeling guilty if I do it when he is awake.  I guess I deal with the "Guilt Gully" too.  I am sure most moms deal with feeling guilty sometimes.  Right now as I am typing this, I am thinking I should be mopping the floors, but I am taking a few minutes to reflect on this study instead...which is a good thing for me!!!  

I write this to encourage all moms...working at home or out of the home...to make sure you take a minute for yourself during your day.  You set the tone for your home...if you are happy and healthy, most likely the rest of your family will be happy too!!!  I used to read Proverbs 31 and think to myself, no matter how much I do I will never live up to be the Proverbs 31 wife and mother!!  My desire for myself as I read these verses is this (verse 25-28): "Strength and honor are her clothing; she shall rejoice in time to come.  She opens her mouth with wisdom, and her tongue is the law of kindness.  She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.  HER CHILDREN WILL RISE UP AND CALL HER BLESSED; HER HUSBAND ALSO, HE PRAISES HER."  

When Josiah and hopefully other children we are blessed with grow up I don't want them to only focus on the fact that our home was always clean, their clothes folded and ironed, home cooked/healthy meals on the table and everything was always organized.  I want them to remember me playing with them, taking time to read to them and talk with them.  I want them to see that I took care of myself spiritually, mentally and physically.  I want them to see me as a woman and mother of strength and honor - a wife/mother who is wise!!!  

I am almost positive that if I talked to another mother who has older children and struggles with the same things they would tell me that it is a daily process to let things go....to enjoy the day and not kill yourself to get everything done!!  So, I will end with this:  I will work on this daily!!!!!  

Life Can be Hard Sometimes....

I am having the hardest time starting this blog..not sure where to start.  We have definitely enjoyed our time since Josh came home last August.  There was an adjustment period for everyone, but overall it has been fabulous.  There is nothing like being a family again after being apart for a year for a deployment.  Now that we have been through two deployments, I will say that they are never the same.  There are always different things that happen during the year or more apart and I am just grateful he is home with us safe again!!  We are looking forward to him hopefully staying home for a while before having to go again.  You never know with the Army!!

Well, in the year that he has come home we have had great times and tough times.  I am finally to the point where I am ready to "talk" about some of those hard times.  If you don't know, Josh and I have the strong desire for our family to grow!!  We always imagined our family with several children and still pray for that opportunity daily!  We have been "trying" to make our family bigger since before he left for his deployment, while he was home on R&R in March 2010 and since he has been home!  In February we were excited to finally have a positive pregnancy test after months of trying!  We didn't get to be excited for long, because for reasons we may never fully understand, I had a miscarriage.  Luckily, I was very early into my pregnancy so there wasn't a need for any medical intervention..just a check-up to make sure things were ok afterward.  I went on just thinking it was one of those things you can't control and we would just try again.  We had another positive pregnancy test mid-May.  We were again so very happy to be welcoming a baby into the world.  We had a due date of February 2nd and were going along with the planning in our head.  We thought it would be the perfect time for a baby to come into our family since we will more than likely be moving in May 2012.  A couple of weeks later I started feeling like something was wrong...I just had this bad feeling.  I called the doctors at Ft. Campbell for an entire week before they would let me be seen and I only got an appointment after Josh called and basically demanded that I be seen.  They kept telling me that the things I was experiencing were completely normal and to not worry about it.  In my heart, I knew differently.  I went in on Friday and after waiting for three hours we were finally seen.  The doctor did an ultrasound and said everything looked normal but he was using an older machine so he wanted me to come back in on Monday and go to radiology for a more involved ultrasound.  Needless to say, I couldn't stop thinking about it all weekend.

On Monday I went it by myself because they told me Josh couldn't go with me...stupid rule!!  The radiologists said he thought he saw a flutter of the heartbeat but to come back in the next week for another ultrasound...so once again, another week of waiting.  In the meantime I was getting blood work done, which was rising, but not as much as it should.  I finally got my Primary Care Doctor to have me be seen at the local hospital.  I was scheduled for a Saturday morning detailed ultrasound.  They could not give me the results then, I had to wait for my doctor to give them to me.  MORE WAITING...but in my heart I knew!!!  The next week I was seen at an off-post OBGYN who confirmed with another ultrasound that the baby no longer had a heartbeat - which for anyone who has ever experienced this you know that no heartbeat means MAJOR heart BREAK for a mother!!  

For whatever reason, my body was not taking care of the baby, so I had to have some medical intervention done and on July 10th our third baby was officially no longer with us.  The thoughts went through my head as to what I had done...what was wrong with me and why couldn't I keep a pregnancy going!!  I actually handled it really well then.  I think it didn't fully hit me what had happened and that we had lost another child.  I went on with life not really dealing with ....perhaps maybe just covering it up with my daily routine and pushing it into the back of my mind.  I even felt strong...I didn't feel too bad for myself....but then it hit me.  Just recently to be honest.  I am not going to lie - having a miscarriage is hard!  I may never know why it happened twice...but I do know this ... The LORD has a plan...the LORD is our protector, our healer and our strength!!  Josh and I have grown so much since all of this...and if anything, I am definitely way more sympathetic for those who have a miscarriage...no matter how far along they are when it happens.  I know that the 2 babies we have lost this year are with the Lord and that I will see them one day...I will get to hold them and I will know if they were a boy or a girl.  I will always wonder why...I will always want to have them in our family, but they will always be in our hearts!!!  I have hope and faith that our family will grow and that Josiah will be a big brother one day and that we will love however many children the Lord blesses us with...because Children are a BLESSING FROM THE LORD!!!  

I have friends who have had much harder times and I am not saying any of this for sympathy.  I am just sharing it.....getting it off of my chest because there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about those 2 precious babies - Josiah's brothers or sisters!!!  I feel as though this will help with the process of "grieving" our loss.  I will say that if you are reading this and have had a miscarriage, I am SORRY...it is a pain that is too hard to express sometimes, but know that there are others out there who have experienced it too (that has been encouraging to me)!!!!  Thanks for reading...and hopefully sometime soon we will be able to announce there is another Sandler baby on it's way (I think it is time, but it needs to be God's time!)!!!

Back to Blogging!

Well, it has been a long time, but I am back!  My original intentions were to blog a few times a week, but as you can see that did not happen.  I am thinking it will be a good outlet for me...not that I think what I have to say is important, but just to get things off of my mind.  So, I hope you enjoy reading and hopefully I will better at figuring this thing out and do it more often!!!