Life in NY

We are adjusting to our new place in NY, but we all definitely miss TN!!  I would have to say that TN is probably at the top of my list of favorite places we have lived.  We loved Alaska, too, but for some reason I really connected with TN (by the way, still claim SC as my home though).  I think maybe I enjoyed TN so much more than other places because we lived there for the longest, bought a house there (that we have rented out now and they better be taking care of it), Josh was physically there with us the longest (deployed for 12 months and gone just a few random months - nothing compared to his time gone in AK) and we have SO many sweet memories of Josiah there.  I really struggled leaving TN...I cried my eyes out when we pulled out of our driveway for the last time and left that amazing town!  We have so many friends still there and hope to get back there someday...if not to live, we will surely visit.  I also got to be reunited with one of my closets friends, Pam, when they got stationed there a year after us.  That was a blast having our kids together for 2 years and to watch them develop great relationships.  I will always cherish TN for so many reasons.  

We have been in NY for about 7 or 8 weeks (not really sure) and we are getting into a routine now.  I feel like getting settled here has taken us longer than any other place we have lived.  It could be because we have never moved with a 3 year old before!  Ha ha...he has done great, but you can't just tell a 3 year old to go play by himself everyday while you unpack!  It also could be from going down 800 sq. feet and trying to organize a smaller place to live in.  Regardless of the reason, we are getting there.  Just a few more things on the walls and organize the guest room before my parents visit in July.  It shouldn't take long.  

I have to say that I did not like it here when we first arrived.  The weather was terrible (after leaving a warm and sunny TN) and I was probably a little hormonal and tired from being pregnant at the time.  It was a hard adjustment for me and less than two weeks after we arrived we found out I was not carrying a healthy baby again.  But I am happy to say that things are much better!  The weather is beautiful now and we have gotten out to explore the area.  We bought a family pass to the zoo and have gone there twice (the pass has already paid for itself - it was cheap).  It is so fun to see Josiah get excited about the animals and he is so smart!!  We want to encourage his learning and the zoo is different each time you go.  The animals are doing different things and he loves it!  It will be fun for us to go as a family or, like today, go while Josh is at school.  We've also gone to the local library a few times...although, I have to say it is nothing in comparison to the Clarksville Library for sure!!  He still enjoys checking out new books and playing the computer games there.  

Apartment living has been totally fine.  We were both apprehensive at first after living in a home with a yard and our own space for so long.  I am actually shocked at how many families with multiple children live in apartments!!!  We were told that the taxes on homes here is so high that people just can't afford it (which is why we couldn't find a rental home in our price range).  Our neighbors are all great (never loud or annoying) and taking the dogs out each time and walking them hasn't been bad at all!!  We share the responsibility and it helps that Josiah loves to walk Sequoia (even after she pulled him down). Our new routine, since Josh started school, is that after dinner we do a family walk.  Each time we walk around the apartments is about a mile and we do it at least 3 times a day.  We have a lot of parks, all within walking distance and soon we will be able to enjoy the pools as well!  I hope to teach Josiah how to swim this summer. We will see.  I am still praying that once Josh's school load gets heavier he will be able to study ok in our place!  If anything, Josiah and I will just have to go out and let Josh study, or if he is studying after his bedtime, I will read or finish the scrap books I have been needing to complete.  (or maybe I will blog more :)

So, we are getting used to it here and enjoying the family time we have been able to have most!!!!  Tomorrow we get to go to a picnic (at our favorite place...Onondaga Lake) with Josh's Grad School program people.  We hope to meet some other families and get to know some new people (as well as see the few people we know from Ft. Campbell).  Thank you to those of you who have prayed for us during our move and the during the time of our loss!  We are hoping for some answers in that area, but still completely trusting the Lord with it all and we have faith in Him that His will is perfect.  

Mother's Day...Bitter Sweet

Mother's Day...a day where we honor our Mother's for their hard work and dedication to us and I am very grateful for the mother that the Lord blessed me with.  She has always been supportive, encouraging, loving and strong and I hope to be half as good of a mother as her!!!   Mother's Day is also a day where, when you become a mother you reflect on your time being a mother and you think about all of the memories you have with your child or children.  You think about the things that have made you grow stronger and wiser and for me, I thank the Lord for each one of those times.

For us, this Mother's Day was going to be something a little more special!!  It was going to be the day that we told our family and friends that we would be welcoming a baby to our family in December!  We were so excited at the possibility of having another baby and grateful to the Lord to allow us to have another child!  Being a parent is one of the best gifts we have ever been given and we would love more than anything to be able to do it all over again and to bless Josiah with the little brother or sister he has been asking for!  Josh and I found out the week we were getting ready to pack up for our move to NY that we were pregnant!  As most of you know we have been trying for a while now and got pregnant twice in 2011, but unfortunately the babies did not make it.  We were so excited to see the positive test and immediately called my doctor for some blood work in order to be monitored closely.  We allowed ourselves to get a little more excited when the doctor told us the blood work looked very promising...better than the last two pregnancies (and I have been on medication this time to help my levels)!

We continued with our moving plans to NY and I took it easier than usual.  Once arriving and getting an address, we quickly started working on getting established with a doctor here in order to be referred to a OBGYN in our area.  Our appointment was set for May 4th (3 days after my birthday and 9 days before Mother's Day).  What a great gift hearing our baby's 8 week old heartbeat for the first time.  Needless to say we were both nervous and excited for our appointment.  Josh stayed with Josiah in the waiting room until it was time for the ultrasound.  Once the doctor was ready we had them come in a join us.  Almost immediately I saw what the doctor saw...when you have been in this position two times before you kind of know what you are looking for.  What we were praying and hoping for was not there.  The doctor was very nice and just said "How do I even begin to tell you what is going on here with all that you have been through already?"  I then said, you don't have to....I see what I see.  He sent us over to a better machine where the ultrasound tech confirmed what we already knew.  Another pregnancy was going to become a loss.  Heartbreak...no other word for it.  Not only that, but we had just moved to a place where no one knew us, the doctors didn't even have my medical records yet to know what we have done in the past and we were hours away from any family.  Sadly, after talking with the doctor and nurse I was scheduled for surgery for Thursday, May 10th.  We were both shocked to say the least....there were no signs showing there to be anything wrong!  I had even begun to have symptoms of being pregnant...which sounds weird to say I was excited to be nauseated, but I was.  For a third time in 13 months we were loosing another baby without knowing the reason why.

We had some planning to do for surgery day and luckily the hospital was nice enough to schedule it a little later rather than me having to be there at 6:15am and it took 30 minutes to get there.  I wanted to make the day as normal as possible for Josiah so he didn't really know what was going on.  Since we don't know anyone here yet and don't have any family here, I felt more comfortable knowing that Josh had Josiah and I knew I would be ok if Josiah and Josh were taken care of.  They took me in and made sure they knew where I was and the doctor had his number to call when I was done and then the nurse would call when I could go home.  Not that I want to ever go through something like this again, I will say that the Lord had the entire day in His control...of course.  I was blessed with an amazing nurse named Barbara who I will always remember!  She definitely took care of me and I never felt alone.  I was able to text with Josh letting him know what was going on until I was taken up for the surgery.  I felt at peace knowing Josiah was with Josh and they were having fun together.  I never wanted Josiah to know what was going on and I think we were successful in that plan.  My nurse was scheduled to get off at 2:00 and it was after 2:00 when I got to a room after surgery.  She was sweet enough to wait on me and came in to talk to me for a little while.  We had a great conversation and I know for a fact that the Lord had her as my nurse for that day!!!!  I am grateful for that "divine appointment."

So here we are on Mother's Day...our little boy taking his afternoon nap and I am sitting next to the man of my dreams...my rock here on earth.  Physically I feel totally fine...emotionally I am working on it.  I know the Lord never gives us more than we can handle and I know His plan and will is perfect...even if we never understand why certain things happen!  Each miscarriage seems a little harder to swallow, but I know in my heart the Lord is preparing us for something and if I can be there as a support for someone else who goes through this I will!!!!

I will say that I am forever grateful for the child we do have!!  He truly is a blessing!!!!  He lights up our life everyday...full of energy and love!  This morning he came running into our room and said "Mother's Happy Day, Mommy!!!"  How cute...and then when he gave me a card from him, he said "I drew a snake on it, Mommy!!"  Such a boy!  I will cherish every single moment with him and never take it for granted...and I will also always remember the three other children who are in Heaven now...and if they are anything like Josiah I am sure they are keeping God entertained!  As sad as the past week has been, I am happy knowing that I am blessed with Josh and Josiah and wouldn't ask for my life to be any other way!!  Josh truly knows how to be a man of God...a man who shows his wife Christ's love each day!  He has been such an encouragement to me in so many ways...although we don't have any answers as to why this is happening, we still have each other and our precious son, Josiah!

Today I will be giving Josiah extra hugs and I love you's!

This picture was taken at the Putt Putt place tonight.  It was Josiah's choice to take me to play putt putt...he has been asking us for weeks to go!!!  We had a blast!