I am writing this post in my blog before we have announced our pregnancy because I wanted to remember what the Lord is teaching me through all of this. We are so grateful to be expecting again and to have made it to 15 weeks 5 days (at this point). I can promise you that not a day goes by that I don't thank God for that!! Up until 13 weeks I had been monitored very closely by my doctors, going about every 10 days (never more than 12 days) and having 7 ultrasounds. My last appointment was December 26th and my next appointment isn't until January 25th. I know that isn't that long, but when you go about every 10 days, four weeks is a long time to go without hearing the heartbeat and being reassured about things. This has been a huge test of who my faith and trust is in. At my last appointment on December 26th, my doctor told me that if I ever felt nervous and wanted to come in, to call and he would see me, but he felt confident that I could go on a regular OB schedule of every 4 weeks at this point. I am at the 2 week 3 day mark and I can't believe I have 2 more weeks to go. It has felt like an eternity and I have been nervous every day. I wake up in the night and just pray that the Lord would give me a peace and I continue that prayer throughout the day. I know for a fact that the doubt that I am feeling is from Satan. Satan knows what our weaknesses are and how to place doubt in our lives. For the past couple of days I have asked Josh more than once, "should I call and make an appointment?" His response was always super supportive of whatever I felt like I needed to do to have a peace of mind. He also reminded me that after hearing the heartbeat, I would be fine for a few days and then get nervous again...so true. He knows me too well and I am blessed to have him and his wisdom in my life. After several days of prayer I have determined that I need this time to learn and grow and to continue to place my trust in the only One who has control over any of this. It is easy for me to say "well I am nervous so I am just going to go hear the heartbeat to put my mind at ease," but what I know I need to do is be on my knees about this and TRUST in the One who made this baby! I feel like going to the doctor before my scheduled appointment would be giving into the doubt that Satan placed in my mind instead of telling Satan "to get ye behind me Satan..you will not prevail." Although this entire process is hard I am grateful to the Lord for taking me through this journey to teach me things I really need to learn. I honestly can say that no other experience in my life has made me grow spiritually like this has! I have learned that no matter what our Creator is the one in control. You can do everything right by the books, and something could go wrong with your pregnancy or you could not follow one pregnancy rule and end up having a healthy pregnancy.
So with all of that said, I am so glad Josh randomly came home today with a song for me to hear. It is exactly what I needed and Josh didn't even know it. I was crying while listening to it three times just because it was what I needed to hear. "Lord, I need you every hour."
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