For us, this Mother's Day was going to be something a little more special!! It was going to be the day that we told our family and friends that we would be welcoming a baby to our family in December! We were so excited at the possibility of having another baby and grateful to the Lord to allow us to have another child! Being a parent is one of the best gifts we have ever been given and we would love more than anything to be able to do it all over again and to bless Josiah with the little brother or sister he has been asking for! Josh and I found out the week we were getting ready to pack up for our move to NY that we were pregnant! As most of you know we have been trying for a while now and got pregnant twice in 2011, but unfortunately the babies did not make it. We were so excited to see the positive test and immediately called my doctor for some blood work in order to be monitored closely. We allowed ourselves to get a little more excited when the doctor told us the blood work looked very promising...better than the last two pregnancies (and I have been on medication this time to help my levels)!
We continued with our moving plans to NY and I took it easier than usual. Once arriving and getting an address, we quickly started working on getting established with a doctor here in order to be referred to a OBGYN in our area. Our appointment was set for May 4th (3 days after my birthday and 9 days before Mother's Day). What a great gift hearing our baby's 8 week old heartbeat for the first time. Needless to say we were both nervous and excited for our appointment. Josh stayed with Josiah in the waiting room until it was time for the ultrasound. Once the doctor was ready we had them come in a join us. Almost immediately I saw what the doctor saw...when you have been in this position two times before you kind of know what you are looking for. What we were praying and hoping for was not there. The doctor was very nice and just said "How do I even begin to tell you what is going on here with all that you have been through already?" I then said, you don't have to....I see what I see. He sent us over to a better machine where the ultrasound tech confirmed what we already knew. Another pregnancy was going to become a loss. Heartbreak...no other word for it. Not only that, but we had just moved to a place where no one knew us, the doctors didn't even have my medical records yet to know what we have done in the past and we were hours away from any family. Sadly, after talking with the doctor and nurse I was scheduled for surgery for Thursday, May 10th. We were both shocked to say the least....there were no signs showing there to be anything wrong! I had even begun to have symptoms of being pregnant...which sounds weird to say I was excited to be nauseated, but I was. For a third time in 13 months we were loosing another baby without knowing the reason why.
We had some planning to do for surgery day and luckily the hospital was nice enough to schedule it a little later rather than me having to be there at 6:15am and it took 30 minutes to get there. I wanted to make the day as normal as possible for Josiah so he didn't really know what was going on. Since we don't know anyone here yet and don't have any family here, I felt more comfortable knowing that Josh had Josiah and I knew I would be ok if Josiah and Josh were taken care of. They took me in and made sure they knew where I was and the doctor had his number to call when I was done and then the nurse would call when I could go home. Not that I want to ever go through something like this again, I will say that the Lord had the entire day in His control...of course. I was blessed with an amazing nurse named Barbara who I will always remember! She definitely took care of me and I never felt alone. I was able to text with Josh letting him know what was going on until I was taken up for the surgery. I felt at peace knowing Josiah was with Josh and they were having fun together. I never wanted Josiah to know what was going on and I think we were successful in that plan. My nurse was scheduled to get off at 2:00 and it was after 2:00 when I got to a room after surgery. She was sweet enough to wait on me and came in to talk to me for a little while. We had a great conversation and I know for a fact that the Lord had her as my nurse for that day!!!! I am grateful for that "divine appointment."
So here we are on Mother's Day...our little boy taking his afternoon nap and I am sitting next to the man of my dreams...my rock here on earth. Physically I feel totally fine...emotionally I am working on it. I know the Lord never gives us more than we can handle and I know His plan and will is perfect...even if we never understand why certain things happen! Each miscarriage seems a little harder to swallow, but I know in my heart the Lord is preparing us for something and if I can be there as a support for someone else who goes through this I will!!!!
I will say that I am forever grateful for the child we do have!! He truly is a blessing!!!! He lights up our life everyday...full of energy and love! This morning he came running into our room and said "Mother's Happy Day, Mommy!!!" How cute...and then when he gave me a card from him, he said "I drew a snake on it, Mommy!!" Such a boy! I will cherish every single moment with him and never take it for granted...and I will also always remember the three other children who are in Heaven now...and if they are anything like Josiah I am sure they are keeping God entertained! As sad as the past week has been, I am happy knowing that I am blessed with Josh and Josiah and wouldn't ask for my life to be any other way!! Josh truly knows how to be a man of God...a man who shows his wife Christ's love each day! He has been such an encouragement to me in so many ways...although we don't have any answers as to why this is happening, we still have each other and our precious son, Josiah!
Today I will be giving Josiah extra hugs and I love you's!
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