First of all, for those that read and care, I am sorry for such a big gap between blogs. I always think of something to blog about but then don't get around to it for a few days and by that time I forget most of it and move on to whatever else I was doing instead of blogging. Hopefully I am not the only one this happens to.
I love reading Karen Kinsgbury books. If you aren't familiar with her, she is a Christian Non-Fiction author and she is definitely one of my top two favorite authors. I love how she can write a non-fiction book and still include Biblical truths and realistic circumstances that go along with those truths. I love that I don't feel like I am reading trash and I am getting something spiritual out of what I am reading! I am in the process of reading the last book in her "Bailey Flannigan Series," and something that I read last night really has stuck with me. A quick synopsis of what was happening in the book: One of the main characters had recently become a Believer and during his growth in the Lord he asked God to test him so that he could become a stronger Christian, relying completely on God and not himself. As he was sharing this bit of information with another character in the book, he told her this "A teacher is almost always silent during a test." Then the book goes on to read "That was definitely true for what God was teaching him now. How he had to have complete dependence on the Lord in order to pursue what he was after." Wow - this hit me and as I continued to read and then later ponder over that statement I was just taken back. I even was talking to Josh at midnight in bed (after he had worked all day on school work...poor guy had to listen to me chatting away) about what I read. He also thought that it was very true. Sometimes when the Lord is testing us to grow us, He is silent....allowing us to grow and rely solely on Him and put our complete trust in him. Not sure if what I read hit me even more because I was a teacher (and still am to a point for Josiah) and how when I would give tests to my students I would remain silent (yet always stay in the room/present)...allowing them the opportunity to focus and concentrate! I would also remain silent when they would come to me asking me to pretty much give them the answer (gotta love students). I wanted them to learn, wanted them to trust in what they already knew and I didn't want to interfere with their learning process. I feel like this is so true when it comes to the Lord being our "teacher." Sometimes He remains silent, especially during a test, so that we can completely have faith in Him, so that we try harder to hear Him instead of just having every answer right away, and so that we can trust!
I am so grateful for the tests that the Lord gives us. I wouldn't being growing and learning without them...and I want to be able to teach others, particularly Josiah and any other children we may have, what the Lord has taught me through tests and challenges. Many of you know (especially if you read my blog) about the challenges we have had with having more children. I definitely feel like these challenges have been a test for me and our relationship. In the past year and a half or so we have conceived 4 times and miscarried each one...with our most recent miscarriage being 2 weeks ago. Ask any woman that has had a miscarriage and they will tell you that it is hard and something that no one can truly understand unless they have experienced one themselves. As much as we (Josh and I) would love holding each one of those babies right now in our arms, I have to say that we also appreciate the Lord for all He has taught us through it. Of course it is sad and sometimes frustrating because of the not knowing why, but I am happy to say that I have never gotten mad at God for it and never thought that I don't deserve this or anything. There are a handful of people who knew about our most recent miscarriage...and two of those people told me not to give up. I have never once felt like giving up, I have never questioned whether or not the Lord loved me...I know that He does and I know HIS will is perfect for our lives...even the hard times. I can honestly say that the infertility issues we have had over the last year and a half or two have definitely deepened my faith in the Lord and have almost made me have to trust Him more...especially since the doctors can't give us any answers as to why either. I feel like as a Christian I have needed something to strengthen my faith in Him....to be able to let go of things I have zero control over and let Him be the Ruler and Maker that He is meant to be in every one's life and to strengthen my prayer life. This has also brought Josh and I even closer than we were before. We have been through this entire miscarriage and desire to grow our family journey together...every step of the way and we will continue to go through it together. It is so neat to me to see how we have each had our weak moments at different times and I know the Lord allowed it to happen that way so that the other one could be strong, encouraging and supportive for the one who is feeling low. I know and fully trust that God will grow our family (maybe even more than we want all at once..ha ha)! I have faith that He will and can...even if that means it isn't biologically ours! We are praying and seeking what He would have us do. So that leads me to the quick story of what my next step is medically....(And I have even struggled with wondering how far medically we should take this)
My doctor here has done just about everything he can do at this point and so in the next two weeks I am going in for an exploratory surgery to see if there is more to what is going on than what blood work, ultrasounds and tests have/have not shown. I will have a laparoscopy, hysteroctomy and ovarian acupuncture done. We are praying and really hoping that this will be scheduled around Josh's class schedule and if not, we will make it work. The doctor wants to do it ASAP, but doesn't do surgeries on Friday's, which is the only day Josh doesn't have class (most Friday's). It is kind of funny to me that the only surgery prior to turning 32 that I ever had was getting my wisdom teeth removed at the age of 18 and since turning 32 in May I will have had 2 surgeries! I guess I am falling apart, despite feeling better and being in better shape than I was when I was 22! We are praying for some answers, but even if the surgery doesn't show anything (fibroids, endometriosis, ovarian cysts, etc), we will have answers. We will have always wondered if there was something more, and without the surgery we wouldn't know.
Back to the title of my blog entry "A Teacher is Always Silent During a Test..." Thank you, Lord for allowing growth while sometimes staying silent, yet always present!!!
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Such a blessing
I know every parent is super proud of their child/children!! I know we all think of our children as special, which we totally should! They are special...they are a blessing from the Lord. It seems like I realize how much of a true blessing Josiah is as time goes on and he gets bigger and learns more things. Also, as I learn about other's who have experienced loss in their lives, as well as our own difficulties with maintaining a pregnancy!!
I feel like Josiah is at such a fun age! I am having so much fun with him playing, teaching, training and just talking with him. I think it is so cool that I can have a full out conversation with him and he totally understands what I am saying. I love the things that he says that only Josh and I would understand what he means...for example, since moving here we have to check the weather before we get dressed because you never know if it is going to be cool or hot out. So, when he asks about his clothing for the day he always asks "can I wear a sleeve shirt that doesn't pull down? or do I have to wear a sleeve shirt that pulls down?" Which translated means: "can I wear a short sleeve shirt or do I have to wear a long sleeved shirt?" He has other cute things that he says, but I won't fill the blog with those...at least not this blog. Maybe I can make one just for those.
Josh and I feel so blessed with Josiah. We are SO thankful to the Lord for allowing us the opportunity to be his parents. He has done incredible with this move and that makes me so happy!! As a military family, and this being Josiah's first move that he realizes, I was kind of nervous about how he would adjust. So many things have changed in his life. We went from a place where we had lots of friends and we had a routine of things we did each week to make sure we made time to establish lasting relationships with those people, we had a home with lots of room, a yard and a neighborhood where we knew all of our neighbors and Josh had his normal job routine with similar times each day that he would leave and come home. At three years old, he has adjusted so well to the big change. We are slowly meeting people and hopefully he will start to get some lasting relationships with friends here (I can sometimes be completely content with being at home all day doing our thing, but I realize how important it is to establish healthy friendships for both of us so we are getting out and about), we are totally content with the smaller living space we have and I actually enjoy the fact that it takes me no time to clean it and we are all adjusting to Josh's new school schedule and making it all work out! But, anyway, back to our "Blessing" (AKA...Josiah). We are just so proud of him and the flexibility he has had throughout the move. (I would maybe consider myself to be a "not so flexible person"...I like my little routine), but it totally helps that he is older and able to be off schedule here and there without it messing up our entire day.
Over the last several months Josh and I have noticed so much of how much his heart is being molded into a sweet and caring child. Of course, he is a child and there are times where discipline is needed, but we are just in awe of how much he has learned over the last year. (The day he turned three I wasn't so sure...LOL...that was a rough week/month or so of behavior issues - and there have been times here and there - sometimes longer than others that we have really had to discipline more than others.) As a parent that is hard, but we are totally seeing how the Lord is faithful and rewarding us with our commitment to raising our child in His way!!! We have witnessed his kind heart when being around others, asking if children are ok, sharing without being told or asked to and we can just see him thinking things out before he does something. He has also started asking a lot more questions about Jesus and the other day I had the news on and they were interviewing a Priest at a Catholic church about something and Josiah saw the cross with Jesus on it in the background. He immediately said "Mommy, that makes me sad to see Jesus on the cross. I wish he wasn't there." (I explained to him that Jesus isn't there anymore and the reason why he was there in the first place). It melted my heart to hear him say that and recognize the fact that it is sad to see Jesus on the cross!!! At the picnic we went to tonight neither one of us asked him to go up to this little boy who was playing alone, but he did and he handed the boy the bat and asked him if he wanted to play. When we got in the car to come home we told him how proud we were of him for his loving heart and good attitude and we asked him "do you know who else is SO proud of you?" His quick response was "JESUS...Jesus is proud of me."
I am so grateful for that little boy...and I am beyond grateful to the Lord for constantly being faithful! Sorry if this blog is a "Brag about Josiah Blog" but I just think it is important to be grateful for break-throughs in life...to be thankful for a time when disciplining/training pays off!! If you are a parent, I know you know what I am talking about!!!! I would listen or read your brag stories anytime...we have to rejoice with each other when our children learn important lessons in life!!!
I feel like Josiah is at such a fun age! I am having so much fun with him playing, teaching, training and just talking with him. I think it is so cool that I can have a full out conversation with him and he totally understands what I am saying. I love the things that he says that only Josh and I would understand what he means...for example, since moving here we have to check the weather before we get dressed because you never know if it is going to be cool or hot out. So, when he asks about his clothing for the day he always asks "can I wear a sleeve shirt that doesn't pull down? or do I have to wear a sleeve shirt that pulls down?" Which translated means: "can I wear a short sleeve shirt or do I have to wear a long sleeved shirt?" He has other cute things that he says, but I won't fill the blog with those...at least not this blog. Maybe I can make one just for those.
Josh and I feel so blessed with Josiah. We are SO thankful to the Lord for allowing us the opportunity to be his parents. He has done incredible with this move and that makes me so happy!! As a military family, and this being Josiah's first move that he realizes, I was kind of nervous about how he would adjust. So many things have changed in his life. We went from a place where we had lots of friends and we had a routine of things we did each week to make sure we made time to establish lasting relationships with those people, we had a home with lots of room, a yard and a neighborhood where we knew all of our neighbors and Josh had his normal job routine with similar times each day that he would leave and come home. At three years old, he has adjusted so well to the big change. We are slowly meeting people and hopefully he will start to get some lasting relationships with friends here (I can sometimes be completely content with being at home all day doing our thing, but I realize how important it is to establish healthy friendships for both of us so we are getting out and about), we are totally content with the smaller living space we have and I actually enjoy the fact that it takes me no time to clean it and we are all adjusting to Josh's new school schedule and making it all work out! But, anyway, back to our "Blessing" (AKA...Josiah). We are just so proud of him and the flexibility he has had throughout the move. (I would maybe consider myself to be a "not so flexible person"...I like my little routine), but it totally helps that he is older and able to be off schedule here and there without it messing up our entire day.
Over the last several months Josh and I have noticed so much of how much his heart is being molded into a sweet and caring child. Of course, he is a child and there are times where discipline is needed, but we are just in awe of how much he has learned over the last year. (The day he turned three I wasn't so sure...LOL...that was a rough week/month or so of behavior issues - and there have been times here and there - sometimes longer than others that we have really had to discipline more than others.) As a parent that is hard, but we are totally seeing how the Lord is faithful and rewarding us with our commitment to raising our child in His way!!! We have witnessed his kind heart when being around others, asking if children are ok, sharing without being told or asked to and we can just see him thinking things out before he does something. He has also started asking a lot more questions about Jesus and the other day I had the news on and they were interviewing a Priest at a Catholic church about something and Josiah saw the cross with Jesus on it in the background. He immediately said "Mommy, that makes me sad to see Jesus on the cross. I wish he wasn't there." (I explained to him that Jesus isn't there anymore and the reason why he was there in the first place). It melted my heart to hear him say that and recognize the fact that it is sad to see Jesus on the cross!!! At the picnic we went to tonight neither one of us asked him to go up to this little boy who was playing alone, but he did and he handed the boy the bat and asked him if he wanted to play. When we got in the car to come home we told him how proud we were of him for his loving heart and good attitude and we asked him "do you know who else is SO proud of you?" His quick response was "JESUS...Jesus is proud of me."
I am so grateful for that little boy...and I am beyond grateful to the Lord for constantly being faithful! Sorry if this blog is a "Brag about Josiah Blog" but I just think it is important to be grateful for break-throughs in life...to be thankful for a time when disciplining/training pays off!! If you are a parent, I know you know what I am talking about!!!! I would listen or read your brag stories anytime...we have to rejoice with each other when our children learn important lessons in life!!!
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Life in NY
We are adjusting to our new place in NY, but we all definitely miss TN!! I would have to say that TN is probably at the top of my list of favorite places we have lived. We loved Alaska, too, but for some reason I really connected with TN (by the way, still claim SC as my home though). I think maybe I enjoyed TN so much more than other places because we lived there for the longest, bought a house there (that we have rented out now and they better be taking care of it), Josh was physically there with us the longest (deployed for 12 months and gone just a few random months - nothing compared to his time gone in AK) and we have SO many sweet memories of Josiah there. I really struggled leaving TN...I cried my eyes out when we pulled out of our driveway for the last time and left that amazing town! We have so many friends still there and hope to get back there someday...if not to live, we will surely visit. I also got to be reunited with one of my closets friends, Pam, when they got stationed there a year after us. That was a blast having our kids together for 2 years and to watch them develop great relationships. I will always cherish TN for so many reasons.
We have been in NY for about 7 or 8 weeks (not really sure) and we are getting into a routine now. I feel like getting settled here has taken us longer than any other place we have lived. It could be because we have never moved with a 3 year old before! Ha ha...he has done great, but you can't just tell a 3 year old to go play by himself everyday while you unpack! It also could be from going down 800 sq. feet and trying to organize a smaller place to live in. Regardless of the reason, we are getting there. Just a few more things on the walls and organize the guest room before my parents visit in July. It shouldn't take long.
I have to say that I did not like it here when we first arrived. The weather was terrible (after leaving a warm and sunny TN) and I was probably a little hormonal and tired from being pregnant at the time. It was a hard adjustment for me and less than two weeks after we arrived we found out I was not carrying a healthy baby again. But I am happy to say that things are much better! The weather is beautiful now and we have gotten out to explore the area. We bought a family pass to the zoo and have gone there twice (the pass has already paid for itself - it was cheap). It is so fun to see Josiah get excited about the animals and he is so smart!! We want to encourage his learning and the zoo is different each time you go. The animals are doing different things and he loves it! It will be fun for us to go as a family or, like today, go while Josh is at school. We've also gone to the local library a few times...although, I have to say it is nothing in comparison to the Clarksville Library for sure!! He still enjoys checking out new books and playing the computer games there.
Apartment living has been totally fine. We were both apprehensive at first after living in a home with a yard and our own space for so long. I am actually shocked at how many families with multiple children live in apartments!!! We were told that the taxes on homes here is so high that people just can't afford it (which is why we couldn't find a rental home in our price range). Our neighbors are all great (never loud or annoying) and taking the dogs out each time and walking them hasn't been bad at all!! We share the responsibility and it helps that Josiah loves to walk Sequoia (even after she pulled him down). Our new routine, since Josh started school, is that after dinner we do a family walk. Each time we walk around the apartments is about a mile and we do it at least 3 times a day. We have a lot of parks, all within walking distance and soon we will be able to enjoy the pools as well! I hope to teach Josiah how to swim this summer. We will see. I am still praying that once Josh's school load gets heavier he will be able to study ok in our place! If anything, Josiah and I will just have to go out and let Josh study, or if he is studying after his bedtime, I will read or finish the scrap books I have been needing to complete. (or maybe I will blog more :)
So, we are getting used to it here and enjoying the family time we have been able to have most!!!! Tomorrow we get to go to a picnic (at our favorite place...Onondaga Lake) with Josh's Grad School program people. We hope to meet some other families and get to know some new people (as well as see the few people we know from Ft. Campbell). Thank you to those of you who have prayed for us during our move and the during the time of our loss! We are hoping for some answers in that area, but still completely trusting the Lord with it all and we have faith in Him that His will is perfect.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Mother's Day...Bitter Sweet
Mother's Day...a day where we honor our Mother's for their hard work and dedication to us and I am very grateful for the mother that the Lord blessed me with. She has always been supportive, encouraging, loving and strong and I hope to be half as good of a mother as her!!! Mother's Day is also a day where, when you become a mother you reflect on your time being a mother and you think about all of the memories you have with your child or children. You think about the things that have made you grow stronger and wiser and for me, I thank the Lord for each one of those times.
For us, this Mother's Day was going to be something a little more special!! It was going to be the day that we told our family and friends that we would be welcoming a baby to our family in December! We were so excited at the possibility of having another baby and grateful to the Lord to allow us to have another child! Being a parent is one of the best gifts we have ever been given and we would love more than anything to be able to do it all over again and to bless Josiah with the little brother or sister he has been asking for! Josh and I found out the week we were getting ready to pack up for our move to NY that we were pregnant! As most of you know we have been trying for a while now and got pregnant twice in 2011, but unfortunately the babies did not make it. We were so excited to see the positive test and immediately called my doctor for some blood work in order to be monitored closely. We allowed ourselves to get a little more excited when the doctor told us the blood work looked very promising...better than the last two pregnancies (and I have been on medication this time to help my levels)!
We continued with our moving plans to NY and I took it easier than usual. Once arriving and getting an address, we quickly started working on getting established with a doctor here in order to be referred to a OBGYN in our area. Our appointment was set for May 4th (3 days after my birthday and 9 days before Mother's Day). What a great gift hearing our baby's 8 week old heartbeat for the first time. Needless to say we were both nervous and excited for our appointment. Josh stayed with Josiah in the waiting room until it was time for the ultrasound. Once the doctor was ready we had them come in a join us. Almost immediately I saw what the doctor saw...when you have been in this position two times before you kind of know what you are looking for. What we were praying and hoping for was not there. The doctor was very nice and just said "How do I even begin to tell you what is going on here with all that you have been through already?" I then said, you don't have to....I see what I see. He sent us over to a better machine where the ultrasound tech confirmed what we already knew. Another pregnancy was going to become a loss. Heartbreak...no other word for it. Not only that, but we had just moved to a place where no one knew us, the doctors didn't even have my medical records yet to know what we have done in the past and we were hours away from any family. Sadly, after talking with the doctor and nurse I was scheduled for surgery for Thursday, May 10th. We were both shocked to say the least....there were no signs showing there to be anything wrong! I had even begun to have symptoms of being pregnant...which sounds weird to say I was excited to be nauseated, but I was. For a third time in 13 months we were loosing another baby without knowing the reason why.
We had some planning to do for surgery day and luckily the hospital was nice enough to schedule it a little later rather than me having to be there at 6:15am and it took 30 minutes to get there. I wanted to make the day as normal as possible for Josiah so he didn't really know what was going on. Since we don't know anyone here yet and don't have any family here, I felt more comfortable knowing that Josh had Josiah and I knew I would be ok if Josiah and Josh were taken care of. They took me in and made sure they knew where I was and the doctor had his number to call when I was done and then the nurse would call when I could go home. Not that I want to ever go through something like this again, I will say that the Lord had the entire day in His control...of course. I was blessed with an amazing nurse named Barbara who I will always remember! She definitely took care of me and I never felt alone. I was able to text with Josh letting him know what was going on until I was taken up for the surgery. I felt at peace knowing Josiah was with Josh and they were having fun together. I never wanted Josiah to know what was going on and I think we were successful in that plan. My nurse was scheduled to get off at 2:00 and it was after 2:00 when I got to a room after surgery. She was sweet enough to wait on me and came in to talk to me for a little while. We had a great conversation and I know for a fact that the Lord had her as my nurse for that day!!!! I am grateful for that "divine appointment."
So here we are on Mother's Day...our little boy taking his afternoon nap and I am sitting next to the man of my dreams...my rock here on earth. Physically I feel totally fine...emotionally I am working on it. I know the Lord never gives us more than we can handle and I know His plan and will is perfect...even if we never understand why certain things happen! Each miscarriage seems a little harder to swallow, but I know in my heart the Lord is preparing us for something and if I can be there as a support for someone else who goes through this I will!!!!
I will say that I am forever grateful for the child we do have!! He truly is a blessing!!!! He lights up our life everyday...full of energy and love! This morning he came running into our room and said "Mother's Happy Day, Mommy!!!" How cute...and then when he gave me a card from him, he said "I drew a snake on it, Mommy!!" Such a boy! I will cherish every single moment with him and never take it for granted...and I will also always remember the three other children who are in Heaven now...and if they are anything like Josiah I am sure they are keeping God entertained! As sad as the past week has been, I am happy knowing that I am blessed with Josh and Josiah and wouldn't ask for my life to be any other way!! Josh truly knows how to be a man of God...a man who shows his wife Christ's love each day! He has been such an encouragement to me in so many ways...although we don't have any answers as to why this is happening, we still have each other and our precious son, Josiah!
Today I will be giving Josiah extra hugs and I love you's!
This picture was taken at the Putt Putt place tonight. It was Josiah's choice to take me to play putt putt...he has been asking us for weeks to go!!! We had a blast!
For us, this Mother's Day was going to be something a little more special!! It was going to be the day that we told our family and friends that we would be welcoming a baby to our family in December! We were so excited at the possibility of having another baby and grateful to the Lord to allow us to have another child! Being a parent is one of the best gifts we have ever been given and we would love more than anything to be able to do it all over again and to bless Josiah with the little brother or sister he has been asking for! Josh and I found out the week we were getting ready to pack up for our move to NY that we were pregnant! As most of you know we have been trying for a while now and got pregnant twice in 2011, but unfortunately the babies did not make it. We were so excited to see the positive test and immediately called my doctor for some blood work in order to be monitored closely. We allowed ourselves to get a little more excited when the doctor told us the blood work looked very promising...better than the last two pregnancies (and I have been on medication this time to help my levels)!
We continued with our moving plans to NY and I took it easier than usual. Once arriving and getting an address, we quickly started working on getting established with a doctor here in order to be referred to a OBGYN in our area. Our appointment was set for May 4th (3 days after my birthday and 9 days before Mother's Day). What a great gift hearing our baby's 8 week old heartbeat for the first time. Needless to say we were both nervous and excited for our appointment. Josh stayed with Josiah in the waiting room until it was time for the ultrasound. Once the doctor was ready we had them come in a join us. Almost immediately I saw what the doctor saw...when you have been in this position two times before you kind of know what you are looking for. What we were praying and hoping for was not there. The doctor was very nice and just said "How do I even begin to tell you what is going on here with all that you have been through already?" I then said, you don't have to....I see what I see. He sent us over to a better machine where the ultrasound tech confirmed what we already knew. Another pregnancy was going to become a loss. Heartbreak...no other word for it. Not only that, but we had just moved to a place where no one knew us, the doctors didn't even have my medical records yet to know what we have done in the past and we were hours away from any family. Sadly, after talking with the doctor and nurse I was scheduled for surgery for Thursday, May 10th. We were both shocked to say the least....there were no signs showing there to be anything wrong! I had even begun to have symptoms of being pregnant...which sounds weird to say I was excited to be nauseated, but I was. For a third time in 13 months we were loosing another baby without knowing the reason why.
We had some planning to do for surgery day and luckily the hospital was nice enough to schedule it a little later rather than me having to be there at 6:15am and it took 30 minutes to get there. I wanted to make the day as normal as possible for Josiah so he didn't really know what was going on. Since we don't know anyone here yet and don't have any family here, I felt more comfortable knowing that Josh had Josiah and I knew I would be ok if Josiah and Josh were taken care of. They took me in and made sure they knew where I was and the doctor had his number to call when I was done and then the nurse would call when I could go home. Not that I want to ever go through something like this again, I will say that the Lord had the entire day in His control...of course. I was blessed with an amazing nurse named Barbara who I will always remember! She definitely took care of me and I never felt alone. I was able to text with Josh letting him know what was going on until I was taken up for the surgery. I felt at peace knowing Josiah was with Josh and they were having fun together. I never wanted Josiah to know what was going on and I think we were successful in that plan. My nurse was scheduled to get off at 2:00 and it was after 2:00 when I got to a room after surgery. She was sweet enough to wait on me and came in to talk to me for a little while. We had a great conversation and I know for a fact that the Lord had her as my nurse for that day!!!! I am grateful for that "divine appointment."
So here we are on Mother's Day...our little boy taking his afternoon nap and I am sitting next to the man of my dreams...my rock here on earth. Physically I feel totally fine...emotionally I am working on it. I know the Lord never gives us more than we can handle and I know His plan and will is perfect...even if we never understand why certain things happen! Each miscarriage seems a little harder to swallow, but I know in my heart the Lord is preparing us for something and if I can be there as a support for someone else who goes through this I will!!!!
I will say that I am forever grateful for the child we do have!! He truly is a blessing!!!! He lights up our life everyday...full of energy and love! This morning he came running into our room and said "Mother's Happy Day, Mommy!!!" How cute...and then when he gave me a card from him, he said "I drew a snake on it, Mommy!!" Such a boy! I will cherish every single moment with him and never take it for granted...and I will also always remember the three other children who are in Heaven now...and if they are anything like Josiah I am sure they are keeping God entertained! As sad as the past week has been, I am happy knowing that I am blessed with Josh and Josiah and wouldn't ask for my life to be any other way!! Josh truly knows how to be a man of God...a man who shows his wife Christ's love each day! He has been such an encouragement to me in so many ways...although we don't have any answers as to why this is happening, we still have each other and our precious son, Josiah!
Today I will be giving Josiah extra hugs and I love you's!
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Memories
Well, here we are again, getting ready to take on another move, a new city/state (kind of...we lived in Syracuse 9 years ago, so it isn't completely new), packing, unpacking and adjusting. I really don't mind moving...it helps make you clean out closets, purge and have a garage sale (which I do all of those things often anyway...I HATE CLUTTER). This move is a little different being that we own our house here and Josiah will experience his first move that he has friends he will have to part from (he was only 9 weeks old when we moved here). He loves his little friends and asks daily (more like 10 times a day) who can come over to play, if we can go to someone else's house or if we can meet someone at the park! Poor child is majorly going to miss his little friends and I will too!!! I love all of the children he has developed relationships with (and I love their mommies too). This will be a tough place to leave! We love it here...and most of why we love it is the people we know and love. Ironically, more than half of those friends are moving as well at some point in the near future. Regardless if our friends are Clarksville residence of life or friends we have had the privilege of spending Army life with we will miss each and every one of them!!!
Tonight I spent some time putting Josiah's old clothes in space saver bags (and by the way, they actually work). We are trying to cut our rubbermaid storage in half because we are downsizing a lot to move to NY, but I can't bring myself to get rid of his baby/toddler clothes. I hope that we use them again someday on another sweet and precious boy (maybe Jeremiah or Titus or whatever other name we love). As I was going through his newborn clothes I had so many memories go through my mind (and some were spoken to Josh as he is collecting his Army gear to turn into Ft. Campbell). I must have said 100 times while doing this "Man, I honestly cannot remember Josiah EVER being that SMALL." or "How did Josiah ever fit into this?" I loved the outfit we brought him home from the hospital in!! So cute! I just put it up to my nose hoping to smell the sweet baby we were (and still are) blessed to have. They just smelled like laundry detergent, but the memory of him in those clothes are still very strong in my head and heart!!!!!!! I found tiny, tiny little socks - I am not sure they ever fit his chunky monkey feet, but we put them on him anyway. I found sweet little hats and the swaddle blanket we have pictures of him in at the hospital. All of those precious little nightgowns that he wore those first few weeks and many, many more cute outfits that made him even cuter than he was. I am so glad to have those memories in my heart still after 3 and a half years. (I am getting teary eyed just thinking about it). Josiah has grown into such an amazing little boy!! A boy that Josh and I were just talking about tonight...how he has become so silly!! He does the silliest things that sometimes drive us nuts, but always makes us laugh!! Like tonight in the car, I was telling Josh how he asks questions all day long. He wants an itinerary the moment he wakes up of what we are doing that day...and then before going to bed he wants one of what the next day will bring "after I eat breakfast...what are we going to do?" So, I was telling Josh all day long he asks things like that (I am not complaining, because I love having conversations with him)...I was giving an example like "what are we going to eat?" From the back seat, Josiah says "Mommy, we already ate dinner!!" LOL. I had no clue he was even listening to me...Josh and I just cracked up!!!
So, although I am kind of sick of going through our house and reorganizing before the packers come (and if you are a military family you know that it doesn't matter what you do the movers are still going to pack it in a disorganized fashion and you will end up redoing all of it on the other end of the move), I have really enjoyed going through his things especially and reliving his little life!!! I love remembering him in those clothes and shoes...memories of things we did while he had a particular outfit on. I hope to never forget those memories!! We are blessed to have him...and as the time goes on that we only have him, it makes me even more grateful for his little life!!! It makes me realize just how miraculous a baby/child is!!! I have hope and faith that he won't be our only child, but if he is the LORD BLESSED US WITH HIM AND THAT IS MORE THAN WE EVEN DESERVE!!! I can promise you one thing....there isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank the Lord for him and Josh being in my life!!!!!!!
Tonight I spent some time putting Josiah's old clothes in space saver bags (and by the way, they actually work). We are trying to cut our rubbermaid storage in half because we are downsizing a lot to move to NY, but I can't bring myself to get rid of his baby/toddler clothes. I hope that we use them again someday on another sweet and precious boy (maybe Jeremiah or Titus or whatever other name we love). As I was going through his newborn clothes I had so many memories go through my mind (and some were spoken to Josh as he is collecting his Army gear to turn into Ft. Campbell). I must have said 100 times while doing this "Man, I honestly cannot remember Josiah EVER being that SMALL." or "How did Josiah ever fit into this?" I loved the outfit we brought him home from the hospital in!! So cute! I just put it up to my nose hoping to smell the sweet baby we were (and still are) blessed to have. They just smelled like laundry detergent, but the memory of him in those clothes are still very strong in my head and heart!!!!!!! I found tiny, tiny little socks - I am not sure they ever fit his chunky monkey feet, but we put them on him anyway. I found sweet little hats and the swaddle blanket we have pictures of him in at the hospital. All of those precious little nightgowns that he wore those first few weeks and many, many more cute outfits that made him even cuter than he was. I am so glad to have those memories in my heart still after 3 and a half years. (I am getting teary eyed just thinking about it). Josiah has grown into such an amazing little boy!! A boy that Josh and I were just talking about tonight...how he has become so silly!! He does the silliest things that sometimes drive us nuts, but always makes us laugh!! Like tonight in the car, I was telling Josh how he asks questions all day long. He wants an itinerary the moment he wakes up of what we are doing that day...and then before going to bed he wants one of what the next day will bring "after I eat breakfast...what are we going to do?" So, I was telling Josh all day long he asks things like that (I am not complaining, because I love having conversations with him)...I was giving an example like "what are we going to eat?" From the back seat, Josiah says "Mommy, we already ate dinner!!" LOL. I had no clue he was even listening to me...Josh and I just cracked up!!!
So, although I am kind of sick of going through our house and reorganizing before the packers come (and if you are a military family you know that it doesn't matter what you do the movers are still going to pack it in a disorganized fashion and you will end up redoing all of it on the other end of the move), I have really enjoyed going through his things especially and reliving his little life!!! I love remembering him in those clothes and shoes...memories of things we did while he had a particular outfit on. I hope to never forget those memories!! We are blessed to have him...and as the time goes on that we only have him, it makes me even more grateful for his little life!!! It makes me realize just how miraculous a baby/child is!!! I have hope and faith that he won't be our only child, but if he is the LORD BLESSED US WITH HIM AND THAT IS MORE THAN WE EVEN DESERVE!!! I can promise you one thing....there isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank the Lord for him and Josh being in my life!!!!!!!
Monday, March 5, 2012
My "WHY"
So, as many of you have probably read on my facebook page...I have joined Thirty-One. I am super excited about this new little "business" in my life. After talking with Summer (my team director), and when I say talking to...I mean I probably drove her crazy with all of my questions before officially signing up. I wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing and I am a planner...probably too much of a planner! I have prayed about it, researched it, talked with others who either have done it or who have purchased their products in the past, and I have probably driven Josh crazy by talking about all of the things on my mind about it. He is the best husband though...he listened to my fears about failing at it, talked to me about my reasons for wanting to do it and just encouraged me along the way without making the decision for me...I am married to a wonderful man!!!
Let me first start by saying, I never would have imagined I would sign up for this (or any other consultant position). I just would have always made the excuse that I don't love talking in front of people or that I didn't have the time. I think I have come to a point in my life that I need something like this. I LOVE my life!! I am a very BLESSED woman.....way more blessed than I deserve to be! I have done a lot of reflecting on my life lately...the person I have become. As many of you know, Josh and I experienced two miscarriages in 2011. They were harder on me than I would have ever imagined a miscarriage could be! I have learned that you don't take a life for granted...and I am forever grateful for the Lord blessing us with Josiah 3 years ago! I realize now that getting pregnant and keeping a pregnancy isn't as easy for some...even though it was easy the first time...it hasn't been since. I haven't been dwelling over it, but it is something I think about often!!! I am grateful to the Lord for these times because I have definitely grown as a person and I pray that it has made me a better wife and mother. I know that I can sympathize so much more now with those that experience loss!!!
The Thirty-One company is a Christian based business...that I love first of all! It is based on the Proverbs 31 wife...and I have read that chapter in Proverbs so many times and think to myself.. "wow, I have a long way to go to be a Proverbs 31 woman!" I feel as though if you don't think that about yourself maybe you have some more examining to do! I don't look at that chapter and think.."Man, I will never live up to that." Instead, I think..."wow...thank you, Lord, for giving me a guideline written right there in the Bible on how to be a wife and a mother." So, in my daily life that is what my goal is...to be a woman/wife/mother like the one found in Proverbs. My relationship with the Lord comes first and then Josh and Josiah!!! I will never be the wife and mother that I am called to be if I don't put the Lord first...but then I will also never be the wife and mother I am supposed to be if I don't take care of myself as well!! This is my WHY...Thirty-One wants to know your "Why Story." Why would you want to be apart of this company...I want to do it because I feel like right now in my life I need something for me. That sounds completely selfish and I am not meaning it in a selfish way at all!! I feel like maybe I need a way of getting my mind off of the losses we experienced last year (not to forget about them completely), but maybe to be able to link up and start relationships with other mothers who have gone through similar situations. Maybe I can be an encouragement to them and them to me! Another reason is because I think it is important for Josh and Josiah to have father/son time. Because I stay at home with him, Josh is very rarely alone with him. It just works out that way...Josh works long days and when he gets home we have our normal night schedule of dinner, bath and bed all within an hour or 2 of him getting home. Then on the weekends, we love doing things as a family, so they rarely get one on one time...and I know how important that is for them (especially now that Josiah is getting older...he craves and longs for man time with his daddy). With me leading a party a couple of times a month he will get that time...without me (the hovering mom, telling them to be gentle while wrestling...lol). Also, with moving to NY it will give me a great opportunity to meet other woman and make growing relationships with people that I may not have met without Thirty-One. Josh will be going to school there, so we both feel as though this would be the perfect time to start...he will have more of a set schedule with classes so I can plan parties when it is most convenient for our family (versus being stressed out making sure he would be home on time for me to leave - which would be the case if he weren't in school). Josh has been 100% supportive in this and I love him for it, because I know for a fact that if he didn't think it was something I should do, he would tell me!!! He is awesome.
These are just a few reasons we decided it would be a great opportunity to join Thirty-One...and what woman doesn't love a great, new bag? I know I do!! I have always loved bags!!!
Let me first start by saying, I never would have imagined I would sign up for this (or any other consultant position). I just would have always made the excuse that I don't love talking in front of people or that I didn't have the time. I think I have come to a point in my life that I need something like this. I LOVE my life!! I am a very BLESSED woman.....way more blessed than I deserve to be! I have done a lot of reflecting on my life lately...the person I have become. As many of you know, Josh and I experienced two miscarriages in 2011. They were harder on me than I would have ever imagined a miscarriage could be! I have learned that you don't take a life for granted...and I am forever grateful for the Lord blessing us with Josiah 3 years ago! I realize now that getting pregnant and keeping a pregnancy isn't as easy for some...even though it was easy the first time...it hasn't been since. I haven't been dwelling over it, but it is something I think about often!!! I am grateful to the Lord for these times because I have definitely grown as a person and I pray that it has made me a better wife and mother. I know that I can sympathize so much more now with those that experience loss!!!
The Thirty-One company is a Christian based business...that I love first of all! It is based on the Proverbs 31 wife...and I have read that chapter in Proverbs so many times and think to myself.. "wow, I have a long way to go to be a Proverbs 31 woman!" I feel as though if you don't think that about yourself maybe you have some more examining to do! I don't look at that chapter and think.."Man, I will never live up to that." Instead, I think..."wow...thank you, Lord, for giving me a guideline written right there in the Bible on how to be a wife and a mother." So, in my daily life that is what my goal is...to be a woman/wife/mother like the one found in Proverbs. My relationship with the Lord comes first and then Josh and Josiah!!! I will never be the wife and mother that I am called to be if I don't put the Lord first...but then I will also never be the wife and mother I am supposed to be if I don't take care of myself as well!! This is my WHY...Thirty-One wants to know your "Why Story." Why would you want to be apart of this company...I want to do it because I feel like right now in my life I need something for me. That sounds completely selfish and I am not meaning it in a selfish way at all!! I feel like maybe I need a way of getting my mind off of the losses we experienced last year (not to forget about them completely), but maybe to be able to link up and start relationships with other mothers who have gone through similar situations. Maybe I can be an encouragement to them and them to me! Another reason is because I think it is important for Josh and Josiah to have father/son time. Because I stay at home with him, Josh is very rarely alone with him. It just works out that way...Josh works long days and when he gets home we have our normal night schedule of dinner, bath and bed all within an hour or 2 of him getting home. Then on the weekends, we love doing things as a family, so they rarely get one on one time...and I know how important that is for them (especially now that Josiah is getting older...he craves and longs for man time with his daddy). With me leading a party a couple of times a month he will get that time...without me (the hovering mom, telling them to be gentle while wrestling...lol). Also, with moving to NY it will give me a great opportunity to meet other woman and make growing relationships with people that I may not have met without Thirty-One. Josh will be going to school there, so we both feel as though this would be the perfect time to start...he will have more of a set schedule with classes so I can plan parties when it is most convenient for our family (versus being stressed out making sure he would be home on time for me to leave - which would be the case if he weren't in school). Josh has been 100% supportive in this and I love him for it, because I know for a fact that if he didn't think it was something I should do, he would tell me!!! He is awesome.
These are just a few reasons we decided it would be a great opportunity to join Thirty-One...and what woman doesn't love a great, new bag? I know I do!! I have always loved bags!!!
Saturday, January 14, 2012
The Lord's Calling
Have you ever felt like the Lord is really trying to teach you something? Have you felt Him clearly speak to you about something in your life? It is the neatest thing in the world to know it is the Lord speaking to you...urging you to do something, speak to someone or help someone. Whatever it is, it can also be a bit scary as well.
This week I have been reading the "Sermon on the Mount" (Matthew 5, 6 and 7) and the Lord has very much convicted me about some things. He has used that scripture in a powerful way in my life this week. Isn't it crazy how you could have read a verse or passage of scripture before and it not really speak to you and then you read it at a different time in your life and it hits you in the face? I love it...but I am not going to lie that it can be scary. Since starting my reading on Monday and continuing it throughout the week and also attending THRIVE with the women from our church the Lord has made something very clear to me. It is like he is using different things to work in this one area of my life/heart. Seriously....He has even used Josiah talking about something that he has never even mentioned to me in the past to get me to realize that yes, in fact it is the Lord's calling. I experienced something in Walmart today and immediately called Josh when I got to the car to tell him what happened. He and I both agree that it is clearly the Lord...teaching me and maturing me in this area of my life. Part of me is scared but my heart KNOWS without a doubt it is God. I am beyond grateful to have a husband who loves me, listens to me, guides/leads me and encourages me!!! Although he is not physically here with us right now due to work, I am so grateful he was able to talk through some things with me this morning and help me sort out these emotions and feelings in my heart...and then the Walmart thing happened and I was thinking to myself "OK GOD...I HEAR YOU!" What can I say...I am a little stubborn and need to be coaxed for certain things...I need to make sure it isn't my mind playing tricks on me...that it is God and He knows I need that. Thankful for a Lord who knows me, knows my insecurities and will protect me when I feel vulnerable. (Maybe when I obey the Lord's tugging on my heart about this my killer headache will go away. just kidding)
This week I have been reading the "Sermon on the Mount" (Matthew 5, 6 and 7) and the Lord has very much convicted me about some things. He has used that scripture in a powerful way in my life this week. Isn't it crazy how you could have read a verse or passage of scripture before and it not really speak to you and then you read it at a different time in your life and it hits you in the face? I love it...but I am not going to lie that it can be scary. Since starting my reading on Monday and continuing it throughout the week and also attending THRIVE with the women from our church the Lord has made something very clear to me. It is like he is using different things to work in this one area of my life/heart. Seriously....He has even used Josiah talking about something that he has never even mentioned to me in the past to get me to realize that yes, in fact it is the Lord's calling. I experienced something in Walmart today and immediately called Josh when I got to the car to tell him what happened. He and I both agree that it is clearly the Lord...teaching me and maturing me in this area of my life. Part of me is scared but my heart KNOWS without a doubt it is God. I am beyond grateful to have a husband who loves me, listens to me, guides/leads me and encourages me!!! Although he is not physically here with us right now due to work, I am so grateful he was able to talk through some things with me this morning and help me sort out these emotions and feelings in my heart...and then the Walmart thing happened and I was thinking to myself "OK GOD...I HEAR YOU!" What can I say...I am a little stubborn and need to be coaxed for certain things...I need to make sure it isn't my mind playing tricks on me...that it is God and He knows I need that. Thankful for a Lord who knows me, knows my insecurities and will protect me when I feel vulnerable. (Maybe when I obey the Lord's tugging on my heart about this my killer headache will go away. just kidding)
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