Josiah brings us JOY

I have been thinking about wanting to do this post since Josiah turned THREE!  I want to remember all of the things he is doing right now and share with you the funny, cute things he does every day.  This way if you don't know him, or want to get to know him better you can by reading this list of cute things (at least I think they are cute) that he does.  Things that I will miss him doing once he "outgrows" them.  Bear with me, it may be a long list....


*Josiah has always been a really good talker.  He started talking at a young age, but he still has some cute things he says "incorrectly" and I love it.
    He will ask us "May I have some WATERN?"  Watern = water!
    I know most kids say this but instead of saying Don't he will say something like "I not yike (Like) that."  I love that he doesn't say "I don't." and he says "I not" instead!

*It melts my heart into mush when he hugs me around the neck and says "I yove (love) you so much, Mommy!"  Or "You are my favorite."

*I love it when he says "Mommy, ask me nicely for...(whatever toy he wants me to have to play with).  This is a newer thing that he has started and I think it is so cute.

*Sometimes when he is being silly he will pretend to wipe my kiss away and he thinks it is hilarious!  He cracks up.

*He loves to say "I do it all by myself, Mommy."  (I am pretty sure he gets that from my independence),

*He ALWAYS knows where we are going even when I don't tell him.  He has insanely good sense of direction and can tell me where to drive to get there.  He will say "turn here mommy to get to_______."

*Josiah LOVES LOVES LOVES his daddy!!!  He wants to do everything that Josh does and can't wait for him to come home.  If Josh has to work late and he doesn't get to see him, his first question to me the next morning is "where my daddy is?"  Or if I am talking to Josh on the phone Josiah has to say something to him.  He will say "Hi Daddy.  I obeying Mommy today.  I yove you!"
       
*He always wants to play with his friends and wants people to come over everyday or asks to go to someone's house.

*Recently he has gotten a really great imagination. He pretends things all day long.  He loves dinosaurs, matchbox cars and Mickey Mouse!  I enjoyed watching him play and playing along with him. 

 *He has really gotten good at puzzle and completed a jigsaw puzzle completely on his own today (of course it was a t-rex dinosaur.)

*At least 4 times a week he will ask either Josh or me (or both) "Mommy/Daddy can we go to the I-Cream place (which is ice cream)?"  Our favorite place to go here is Sweet Berry Frozen Yogurt and it is so good and very cheap!  We are able to go about once every 10 or so days.  The employees know Josiah...and Josiah gets the same thing every time.  Vanilla I-Cream with blueberries, 3 gummy bears, cookie bears (which are Teddy grahams..that is what he calls them), marshmallows and rainbow sprinkles.  WE LOVE SWEET BERRY!!!

*He still LOVES his blankie and will always love it.  A friend of mine gave me one that is the exact blankie, but he totally knows the difference and won't take the other one.  The only time he will use the other one is if I am washing HIS and he will say "Ok, I take the other one, Mommy."  He will never sleep a night with it though.  I always wash his during the day.

*He goes to bed with a "friend" (AKA Mickey Mouse), but never usually ends up keeping him in there.  If Josiah gets up once he looses his friend.  For some reason, he very rarely stays in his bed the first time.  It is like he needs one more kiss or something, so we take Mickey.

*Josiah is VERY good at sports and his favorite one this week is football.  He can catch and throw a football great for his age.  He also loves baseball...he can even hit a pitched baseball.  He then has to throw the bat down and "run the bases."  We love that he is so into sports.

*He now enjoys his bike with training wheels and just last week rode a mile on it
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*As I am sure every parent has this with their kids, Josiah tends to test the limits lately.  He will say or do something that he knows is not ok with us and look at me with his big brown eyes as to say "what are you going to do?"  Of course we take care of it and move on to the next thing.  I wonder when he will stop testing the limits...ha ha - probably never!!  There will always be a new adventure and stage we have to push/discipline through.

*Josiah loves to help and recently has started pulling his step stool out from beside the refrigerator to help me do whatever it is I am doing.  I love it, but some times I would rather get it done faster...however, I know there will be a day when he won't want to help me anymore or will be busy playing with friends or in school and won't be able to help so I let him do it as much as he wants. 

*We started giving Josiah showers about 3 months ago when he started getting a rash on his bottom.  We weren't sure what was causing it, but soon determined that he has a sensitivity/allergy to the bathrooms wipes and it is now gone.  But, now he is set on taking a shower and if we say something about it being "bath time" he quickly corrects us and says "it is shower time, Mommy."  I guess bath time is in the past!! 

*While Josiah was a baby we never had to deal with him being a climber or being rough.  He still isn't a climber and doesn't test his limits by climbing on things.  He just doesn't like heights, I guess.  But...HE IS ALL BOY!!!  He LOVES to play ROUGH!!!  I don't mind him playing rough, but I am trying to learn a good way to teach him there is a time and place to be rough.  He can't wait for Daddy to come home everyday and before Josh even walks into the door he asks him if they can wrestle.  I don't want to take away his want/need for being a rough/tough kid, but I want him to be able to know when it is right and wrong.  I honestly didn't think he would be like that when he was younger because he was so timid and gentle.  Things have changed for sure and he keeps me on my toes all day long!!

*Josiah loves the computer and I am shocked at how well he knows how to use it.  He will ask me if he can look at pictures or videos of us on there and he knows how to work it.  When we go to the library he helps me with the computer there - using the arrows to look for books that he wants to check out!  Kind of crazy that I didn't even know how to use a computer until I was in high school and they have definitely changed since then for sure!!

*I am very grateful that Josiah eats and sleeps well!!  We never have to argue with him over eating healthy or taking a nap!  I will always feel blessed with that!!  He usually always asks during lunch if it is nap time and always goes right down and straight to sleep.  We had a short time where it was difficult at night making him stay in his bed, but we seemed to have conquered that (I hope)!  He only wakes up in the middle of the night if he has to go potty, but that only happens on the occasion he drinks to much at dinner or something and when he gets up he always goes right back to bed!

*In the last few months, he learned his very first Bible verse Philippians 4:13.  We are so proud of him!! 

*He knows how to spell his name out loud and I am slowly working on teaching him how to write it.  That may take a little while! 

*Josiah LOVES music and used to call it "mumic."  He says it correctly now, which makes us sad - ha ha.  He is constantly either playing his toy guitar or singing into his microphone.  He gets his love for music from his Daddy.  If it were up to the two of them there would be music playing in our house 24/7.  I have to have some quiet sometimes. 

I could go on and on about Josiah!  I just wanted to blog about some of the things so that I can remember them as time passes.  It feels like he is growing up SO fast and I don't want to miss a thing!!!

"Debbie Downer"

I am usually not one to have a "Debbie Downer" kind of day.  I am a very optimistic person who enjoys everything I do.  Not a real fan of feeling this way and I know things will be better tomorrow.  I just feel like I have a lot on my mind.  The day started off with me not being able to workout because my alarm didn't go off.  I feel so much better when I exercise and I needed that today.  I have taken some time off of doing Insanity the past couple of weeks to see if that may help with our pregnancy issues.  Since I am not pregnant and feeling kind of blah about myself I thought I would start it back up this morning.  If you are like me, and you don't get your workout in first thing in the morning, chances are you won't fit it into your day!  Things get busy and it just gets pushed to the next day.  Plus, once I am showered and dressed I just give up on it for the day.  It is hard enough some days to get a nice shower and dressed properly with makeup and hair, so forget about doing it twice in one day!  I like being presentable when Josh comes home from work..not in workout clothes or sweats, but in something decent with my hair done and at least a little makeup on. 

Another thing that has gotten me down today is thinking about this court date we have tomorrow morning.  Back in March we had a patio put in our backyard and the guy did a completely awful job!  We decided since he wasn't going to try and make it right, and to be honest, we don't want him to be on our property anymore, we would take him to small claims court (which is something we have NEVER done before).  The day we were scheduled to small claims, he had a lawyer come and try to settle with us by saying he would come and fix it.  NO THANK YOU!!  So, we hired a lawyer to help us with going more into it.  Our pictures are good enough to win and our lawyer feels sure it will be fine, but I am nervous.  We spent money on this patio and now we can't even use it.  We are more than likely moving in May and will need to have it fixed before we put our house on the market to sell or rent.  We have to win in order to pay for the repairs, but even if we win, we are definitely not guaranteed to see that money any time soon.  I am just praying that it all works out for our best.  We have a professional witness come with us to state that is was in fact done incorrectly and is now a safety hazard.  We shall see!!!  Praying for a nice judge - one who will see that he lied about the work that the guy did.

I have been reflecting today on our miscarriages, too.  I don't know why some days are harder than others.  Back in July when I had the second miscarriage I felt like I was doing fine.  It has gotten harder as the days go by.  I think about how far along I would be right now...I see other women who are pregnant and are probably where I would have been in their pregnancy.  Believe me, I SEE A LOT OF PREGNANT WOMEN!  Today at the library for story time I am sure there were at least 5 in there (I would like to drink what they are drinking)!  I would be 5 months along right now, so if we wanted to find out what that baby was going to be, we could know by now.  I would be feeling the baby move and planning what to do in the nursery.  It just stinks to be honest!!!  I don't know why the Lord took those two babies to Heaven, but I never imagined you could love a baby without ever meeting him or her.  It is a pain that I wish upon no one and if you have experienced a miscarriage I understand and I am SORRY!!!  17 Months is a long time of trying...although I know for a fact that there are people out there who have tried longer!!!  I know that there are mothers out there who have had harder pregnancies...even birthing their babies and having to say goodbye!  MY HEART ACHES FOR THEM!!!!  I cannot even imagine their pain and empty feeling!  Josh and I long to have another child, but I wonder if that is God's will for us.  I am not saying that in a negative way, but what if He has other plans for us?  I am praying now for my heart to be open to those plans!  I am definitely NOT giving up on us having another little blessing from the Lord, but realizing that I may need to be open to other options, too!  We never imagined it would be this hard or take us this long to get pregnant again.  We got pregnant so fast with Josiah and I had a wonderful pregnancy.  I loved being pregnant.  It is just a shock to me (us) that we don't have another little one already!   We will keep on trying, knowing that the Lord knows best and will protect us and allow us to grow through all of this.  I am grateful for whatever He is teaching us through this and I promise to grow deeper in my relationship with Him and Josh!!!

I am beyond blessed to have such an amazing husband!!!  He is so amazing and encouraging!!  He is my best friend and I am so thankful to have him home with me!!  He is such a great husband and father to our little man and it brings me so much joy to see them interact!  I can't imagine my life without either of them!!!!!

Happy 3rd Birthday, Josiah!

Happy Birthday, Lil Man!!  I meant to write this several days ago on your birthday but time got away from me!  We are so proud of you and can't believe you are already 3!!  It seems like we were just bringing you home from the hospital yesterday and now you are riding a bike with training wheels, catching footballs, hitting pitched balls, spelling your name and running around like crazy!!!  You definitely keep us busy and on our toes.  You are such a blessing to us and we are grateful to the Lord for allowing us to be your parents! We hope and pray that we are being the parents the Lord called us to be for you!! 

I hope this year goes slowly with you.  I hope we can treasure each new thing you learn to do and just enjoy our time together!  You are growing so fast!  I can't believe you weigh 40lbs and are 3ft. 2 inches tall.   Didn't you just weigh 7lbs. 8 oz???  You do love to eat...you will pretty much anything that we feed you.  You wake up every morning and after saying "good Morning Mommy" you then ask "is it time for breakfast?"  I love that you eat your vegetables and fruit so well and it is always so fun to see you enjoy the food I prepare!  Your doctor thinks you are a future football star and I do agree with her!  You are just a solid boy!

Speaking of being BOY...you are ALL BOY!!  When you were younger I would talk to friends whose children were climbing and jumping off of things and you never did that when you were younger.  Your "no fear" factor came recently.  While you still really aren't a climber, you definitely like to do other things that make me cringe and pray that you won't get injured.  You LOVE your friends and sometimes get a little too excited to be around them!!  You are much calmer when it is just us at home, but I love watching you play and interact with your friends.  I love that you have a gentleness about you when you are around your friends that are girls and you care about them, but it sometimes scares me at how rough you can be with your little buddies.  While I want you to be a BOY, I want you control you roughness sometimes and make sure you are respecting your friends.  I am sure this "roughness" will be something we battle for a while but we will continue to work on it.  The fact that you love your friends and are always asking to play with someone in particular makes me happy...but then sad knowing we will move away soon and you will learn what it really means for you to be a son of an Army man. 

I love when you wake up from your nap and you just want to sit with me and read a book (or two, or three...or the same book over and over and over).  I know that there will be a day when you may not want to do that again, so I cherish this time with you everyday!!  I love taking you to gymnastics, even though sometimes it is quite the workout for me keeping up with you.  You look forward to going to the library every Monday to have story and music time.  You always get into the songs they sing.

You have been three for 5 days and it has been filled with fun and tough times.  Daddy and I say that a switch went on the day your turned three with a whole new set of "phases" that we have to work through.  I know I have said before that I wasn't a fan of the word "phase" when it came to a child, but I am learning!  They are phases and it is a matter of how long the phase will go on based on how we discipline for it.  Overall, you are the best child for us!!  We are beyond blessed to have you as our son and we can't wait to see what this year brings. We love you, buddy!!!  We hope you know how proud we are of you each and every day!!!!!  Happy Birthday, Josiah!

Thoughts on parenting

Wow...it has been a day.  It is funny how one situation from a day can completely change your attitude and your view from that day.  One situation that occurs can either make your day or ruin it.  I am not going to allow this to ruin my day (although my day is almost over and it has consumed me a lot today).  I have been praying about it, thinking about it and talking about it and now I am going to end with blogging.  This blogging thing can be really helpful.
I don't claim, nor have I ever claimed, to know it all or pat myself on the back and give myself the "Mom of the year award."  I definitely don't know it all and I feel as though I am really good about admitting when I do something wrong.  I am fairly "new" at this whole mothering/parenting thing,  in the grand scheme of things, when you think about how long you are a parent for.  I rely heavily on my husband for guidance, as well as others who have gone before me in this parenting stage of life whom I look up to and want to follow in their examples.  And, I am just going to say it HURTS hard core...to the heart...when someone questions your parenting and basically says they would do it differently.  No one parents the same...every child is different. I am even sure when you have multiple children you probably parent them somewhat differently when dealing with the different personalities in your children.  Josh and I parent the best we know how for us and for what works with Josiah and the way we parent comes strictly from what we feel the LORD has called of us.  Proverbs 22:6 says "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it."  That is what we strive to do daily with Josiah and any other children we are blessed with.  We live in a fallen world...one filled with SIN...I sin, you sin and guess what? our sweet little boy who is in his bed sleeping soundly right now sins.  It is just the way it is unfortunately.  No one is perfect and nothing I do is perfect, but I try....I wake up every day asking the Lord to guide and direct me in one of my most important jobs in this stage of my life and that is being a mother!!!  I may try, but I fail....it is just a known fact because I am sinner saved by the grace of the Lord.  I am called, as a mother, to "love my husband and my children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good and obedient (Titus 2:4-5).  In loving my child, I discipline him when I feel the need to.  By disciplining him I am showing him that I love him.  I am doing what the Lord commands.  And disciplining for each thing that is done "wrongly" can be different.  Whether I feel like he needs a spanking, needs to have some time to think about what he has done or just a good heart-to-heart...that is discipline.  The Lord calls us to train our children (some people don't like saying they "train" their children because it sounds like dog training or something but I honestly like the term), .  We ARE training them.  They come out not knowing how to do anything...however, they are born into a sinful world!!!  The Lord also calls us to show them GRACE...The best way we can display the character of God is to show our children (and others) grace and forgiveness...even when you may think they have done the unforgivable.  If I hadn't been shown grace throughout my life I would be one very lost woman and so I want to be able to show Josiah grace!!!!  Every child has their "thing" that no matter how many times you have 'trained' them not to do it, it just seems to return time and time again.  I am 31 years old, and I still do some things time and time again that I shouldn't do.  How can you expect anything else from a child when they are learning and growing and try to figure this life thing out?
I pray that we are doing this right.  I pray everyday for the Lord's direction...for his strength and guidance.  I know this isn't true at all and only Satan putting this in my mind, but sometimes I think to myself that maybe we haven't had any more children yet because I am doing something wrong with the one that God has blessed us with.  Again, I KNOW THAT IS ONLY THE DEVIL putting thoughts in my head that are not true at all.  I am actually proud of the way we parent...we can always do better, but I am happy with where we are and what we have done so far and pray that we only get better from here.
Not everyone is going to agree with me or even like me, Josh or Josiah for that matter.  The only person we have to answer to is the Lord.  I feel better already being able to write about this.  I still have a headache, but impressed with myself to have the self control to stick to my commitment and not eat dessert after dinner this week....I just think I picked a bad week to start that.  LOL

Mom-To-Mom

Well, I will start this post first telling you that all of my tests to this point have come back completely normal.  So glad that there is nothing urgent wrong and we are free to start trying again.  We are praying that we will have good news around the corner.  I am a pretty optimistic person and I know that the Lord's plan is perfect for us and I have faith in Him that we will be blessed with another child (children) at some point...even if Josiah is 10 - ha ha!!!  

So, here is the reason for my blog today - wow...I just realized TWO BLOGS IN ONE WEEK...amazing!  I have been apart of a new small group at our church called Mom-to-Mom and we meet once a week.  This group has been such a blessing to me.  There are moms who have been mothers year, some have grandchildren of their own all the way to moms who are new at it!  It is such a great group of women and I have really enjoyed getting to know everyone and do our study each week.  As I reflect on the past few weeks I have learned so much already.  The study is called Mom-to-Mom Heart Talk by Linda Schultz Anderson.  As I was folding laundry today (right after Josiah went down for his nap) I was reflecting back to the first week of our study.  The book presented 6 myths of the modern mother and they are:

     *"Wonder Woman": you can do it all!

     *"Super Mom":  Since you are "not working," you can at least do it all on the home front.

     *"Guilt Gully": Whatever happens, it's your fault.

     *"Performance Pit":  What you do determines who you are.

     *"Yuppy-itis":  Your worth is measured in $$.

     *"Pendulum Problem":  You much choose either career or motherhood - for life.

Then we were asked what one do we think we relate to the most.  I am sure that each mother can relate to these myths and probably have an issue with dealing with these myths. I have ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS wanted to be a stay-at-home mother and I feel like I am living my DREAM!!  I love being at home and it would honestly break my heart into pieces if I had to go back to "work." (Please note: that I work harder at home than I ever did getting paid for a job outside of the home! - LOL).  I am beyond blessed with a husband who not only supports me in this desire, but encourages it as well.  I am blessed that he has a job that can provide enough for our family and that I don't have to work (believe me, we do sacrifice some things in order to make the paycheck last, but I am grateful for that).  I will always be thankful for Josh's hard work and knowledge to provide for our family.  Staying at home was always the way we wanted it to be!!!  The myth that I can relate with the most is "super mom."  NO ONE has ever expected anything of me...and that is what the problem is.  I expect too much of myself sometimes.  I can't tell you how many times Josh has asked me to take time for myself throughout my day, but in my mind I feel like if I don't get everything done when I want to get it done, then the world is going to come crashing down on me.  I want everything to run smoothly in our house and it does!!  I am not going to lie....sometimes I burn myself out and wear myself completely out.  So, I am learning to balance life a little better.  I am trying to remind myself each day that if something on my constant to-do list doesn't get done it isn't the end of the world.  I want to make sure my two guys (Josh and Josiah) are taken care of completely...and let's face it....if I don't take care of myself then I am doing damage to them in a way.  I will admit that I probably have a little of an OCD issue.  I LOVE to clean...and I love walking into our clean house, but I am learning that things don't have to be perfect everyday and I am also coming to the conclusion that no matter how much I clean there will always be dog hair and dust (we do have a husky and have had him for 8 years...you think I would have learned that by now).  These are expectations I have for myself and I am learning that if we want more children, life is going to be busier and I won't have time to keep up with the pace I am going.  I used to feel guilty when I didn't walk the dogs everyday, but guess what?  Not anymore...they are dogs and they have a huge back yard to play in.  I walk them as much as I can, but if a day goes by that I can't do it, I don't beat myself up about it anymore.  I really want to be in good health and shape, so I have been waking up early each morning (well, most mornings) to get my workout in before Josiah gets up...because once again...I struggle with feeling guilty if I do it when he is awake.  I guess I deal with the "Guilt Gully" too.  I am sure most moms deal with feeling guilty sometimes.  Right now as I am typing this, I am thinking I should be mopping the floors, but I am taking a few minutes to reflect on this study instead...which is a good thing for me!!!  

I write this to encourage all moms...working at home or out of the home...to make sure you take a minute for yourself during your day.  You set the tone for your home...if you are happy and healthy, most likely the rest of your family will be happy too!!!  I used to read Proverbs 31 and think to myself, no matter how much I do I will never live up to be the Proverbs 31 wife and mother!!  My desire for myself as I read these verses is this (verse 25-28): "Strength and honor are her clothing; she shall rejoice in time to come.  She opens her mouth with wisdom, and her tongue is the law of kindness.  She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.  HER CHILDREN WILL RISE UP AND CALL HER BLESSED; HER HUSBAND ALSO, HE PRAISES HER."  

When Josiah and hopefully other children we are blessed with grow up I don't want them to only focus on the fact that our home was always clean, their clothes folded and ironed, home cooked/healthy meals on the table and everything was always organized.  I want them to remember me playing with them, taking time to read to them and talk with them.  I want them to see that I took care of myself spiritually, mentally and physically.  I want them to see me as a woman and mother of strength and honor - a wife/mother who is wise!!!  

I am almost positive that if I talked to another mother who has older children and struggles with the same things they would tell me that it is a daily process to let things go....to enjoy the day and not kill yourself to get everything done!!  So, I will end with this:  I will work on this daily!!!!!  

Life Can be Hard Sometimes....

I am having the hardest time starting this blog..not sure where to start.  We have definitely enjoyed our time since Josh came home last August.  There was an adjustment period for everyone, but overall it has been fabulous.  There is nothing like being a family again after being apart for a year for a deployment.  Now that we have been through two deployments, I will say that they are never the same.  There are always different things that happen during the year or more apart and I am just grateful he is home with us safe again!!  We are looking forward to him hopefully staying home for a while before having to go again.  You never know with the Army!!

Well, in the year that he has come home we have had great times and tough times.  I am finally to the point where I am ready to "talk" about some of those hard times.  If you don't know, Josh and I have the strong desire for our family to grow!!  We always imagined our family with several children and still pray for that opportunity daily!  We have been "trying" to make our family bigger since before he left for his deployment, while he was home on R&R in March 2010 and since he has been home!  In February we were excited to finally have a positive pregnancy test after months of trying!  We didn't get to be excited for long, because for reasons we may never fully understand, I had a miscarriage.  Luckily, I was very early into my pregnancy so there wasn't a need for any medical intervention..just a check-up to make sure things were ok afterward.  I went on just thinking it was one of those things you can't control and we would just try again.  We had another positive pregnancy test mid-May.  We were again so very happy to be welcoming a baby into the world.  We had a due date of February 2nd and were going along with the planning in our head.  We thought it would be the perfect time for a baby to come into our family since we will more than likely be moving in May 2012.  A couple of weeks later I started feeling like something was wrong...I just had this bad feeling.  I called the doctors at Ft. Campbell for an entire week before they would let me be seen and I only got an appointment after Josh called and basically demanded that I be seen.  They kept telling me that the things I was experiencing were completely normal and to not worry about it.  In my heart, I knew differently.  I went in on Friday and after waiting for three hours we were finally seen.  The doctor did an ultrasound and said everything looked normal but he was using an older machine so he wanted me to come back in on Monday and go to radiology for a more involved ultrasound.  Needless to say, I couldn't stop thinking about it all weekend.

On Monday I went it by myself because they told me Josh couldn't go with me...stupid rule!!  The radiologists said he thought he saw a flutter of the heartbeat but to come back in the next week for another ultrasound...so once again, another week of waiting.  In the meantime I was getting blood work done, which was rising, but not as much as it should.  I finally got my Primary Care Doctor to have me be seen at the local hospital.  I was scheduled for a Saturday morning detailed ultrasound.  They could not give me the results then, I had to wait for my doctor to give them to me.  MORE WAITING...but in my heart I knew!!!  The next week I was seen at an off-post OBGYN who confirmed with another ultrasound that the baby no longer had a heartbeat - which for anyone who has ever experienced this you know that no heartbeat means MAJOR heart BREAK for a mother!!  

For whatever reason, my body was not taking care of the baby, so I had to have some medical intervention done and on July 10th our third baby was officially no longer with us.  The thoughts went through my head as to what I had done...what was wrong with me and why couldn't I keep a pregnancy going!!  I actually handled it really well then.  I think it didn't fully hit me what had happened and that we had lost another child.  I went on with life not really dealing with ....perhaps maybe just covering it up with my daily routine and pushing it into the back of my mind.  I even felt strong...I didn't feel too bad for myself....but then it hit me.  Just recently to be honest.  I am not going to lie - having a miscarriage is hard!  I may never know why it happened twice...but I do know this ... The LORD has a plan...the LORD is our protector, our healer and our strength!!  Josh and I have grown so much since all of this...and if anything, I am definitely way more sympathetic for those who have a miscarriage...no matter how far along they are when it happens.  I know that the 2 babies we have lost this year are with the Lord and that I will see them one day...I will get to hold them and I will know if they were a boy or a girl.  I will always wonder why...I will always want to have them in our family, but they will always be in our hearts!!!  I have hope and faith that our family will grow and that Josiah will be a big brother one day and that we will love however many children the Lord blesses us with...because Children are a BLESSING FROM THE LORD!!!  

I have friends who have had much harder times and I am not saying any of this for sympathy.  I am just sharing it.....getting it off of my chest because there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about those 2 precious babies - Josiah's brothers or sisters!!!  I feel as though this will help with the process of "grieving" our loss.  I will say that if you are reading this and have had a miscarriage, I am SORRY...it is a pain that is too hard to express sometimes, but know that there are others out there who have experienced it too (that has been encouraging to me)!!!!  Thanks for reading...and hopefully sometime soon we will be able to announce there is another Sandler baby on it's way (I think it is time, but it needs to be God's time!)!!!

Back to Blogging!

Well, it has been a long time, but I am back!  My original intentions were to blog a few times a week, but as you can see that did not happen.  I am thinking it will be a good outlet for me...not that I think what I have to say is important, but just to get things off of my mind.  So, I hope you enjoy reading and hopefully I will better at figuring this thing out and do it more often!!!